Wednesday May 19, 2010

5am- Shop for baptism dresses online...Why is sooo hard to find a white dress with sleeves for a little girl?!?

5:30am -Pay bills, update blog

6:15- Head to Harmon's for a quick shopping trip.

7:00- Wake up the kids and get them going

7:15- Make breakfast and pack lunches

7:30- Take a quick shower and get dressed

7:50- Scriptures and prayers

8:00 Take kids to school

8:45-11:30 Temple

12:00 Lunch and relax. Watch an old episode of Brothers and Sisters

12:45 Practice Piano and Organ

1:30 Run Errands: Joann for quilt backing, Shopko for athletic tape (Tanner jammed his fingers at football last night) and Holiday for gas. (Darn! They don't have slurpees here. I really wanted a slurpee today!)

2:30 Pick up dinner for Tanner to eat in the car

2:45 Pick up kids from school

3:30 Drop Tanner off at Football

3:45 Make dinner, empty dishwasher, pack up books in the kids study

5:00 Kids chore time. Listen to whining and complaining. Roll eyes at the unbelievable effort put into avoiding a very simple household task.

5:15 Make salad, set table

5:45 Dinner

6:10 Parker leaves with Dave for BMX practice. He drops Kennedy at dance on his way. I clean up dinner and mop the floor.

7:00 Update blog.

7:15 Take Lexi to dance, pick up Kennedy.

7:40 Drop Kennedy off and pick up Tanner

8:00 Football practice goes late again...enjoy a few minutes with my latest novel The Queen's Fool by Philllipa Greggory. I just love her books. :)

8:30 Drop Tanner off at home and rush to the balloon store

9:20 Wrap presents and decorate kitchen for Kiki's bday tomorrow.

10:00 Head upstairs to watch one show with Dave (Castle) and play Words with Friends. I am so obsessed with this Iphone app. I could play all day.

10:45 Bed at last!

 

A week in the life...

Do you know why I don't write more often or post more pictures? It is because I think my life is boring. I think that I do the same things everyday and that I will always remember. But I won't.

 I don't remember what life was like with two babies. I wish that I would have taken the time to make a written schedule of how I spent my time then. Who did I hold the most? How much formula did I go through? Which of the older kids sat on my lap to have a story read to them? Who crawled into bed with us at night and snuggled until the fear subsided?

As my way of correcting my recent mistake of letting months go by without a word I am going to document every moment of the next week. This week may seem boring now but in a few years I want to remember whom I chatted with in the car, what I did with my few hours of freedom while all the kids were in school, and who needed the most help with their homework.

My life may be ordinary but my Father in Heaven is using it to teach me extraordinary lessons that I will need to progess and return home to Him. Perhaps I would be wise to start paying more attention.

Regrets...

Please tell me I didn't let 4 months of my family's life go by without taking a single picture or writing a single word.

Somebody please tell me that I haven't taken my beautiful family for granted and missed 130 days of moments that I can never get back.

Surely I didn't forget my camera for Abbi's fifth birthday or Cassidy's first highschool dance or Lexi and Kennedy's piano recital. Time goes by so quickly and yesterday's procrastination quickly turns into today's regrets.

I will do better. I will do better. I will do better.

Our Family Sentence

Genesis Chapter 5 is one of those chapters that everybody hates. It's a genealogy chapter. A "so and so begat so and so" chapter. But this particular chapter also houses a secret. A "for those with ears to hear" secret.

Since I am a blabber mouth and since everyone knows that I can't keep a secret I am spilling.

If you translate all of the names in this chapter from Hebrew to English they form a sentence. An actual sentence that prophesies of the coming of our Savior. It says, " God has appointed that mortal man shall sorrow, but the blessed God will come down teaching that his death shall bring strength and comfort."

Having discovered this and being totally enthralled I decided to do the same thing with my family's names. Umm...not quite the same result.

Our names make up a sentence. Just not a very spiritual or uplifting one. So here it is: our family sentence. Someday, if you are really bored and you have tired of chattering with your imaginary friend, try it!

So here it is. Our family sentence: A beloved Christian with curly hair who tans hides is protected by a guard with a mis-shapen head who maintains the parks and brings joy to all.

Mis-shapen head? Really? Did I actually give that name to my child and expect her to have a normal life. Sheesh! What was I thinking?

Parker's Questions

 Parker absolutely makes me laugh. He lives so freely and so spontaneously. I have to be careful though. Parker's sensitive heart make him unable to deal with people laughing at the things that he says or does, regardless of how funny they are. So I hide my smiles and stuff my laughter until Parker goes to bed...and then I just crack up at some of the things that he says. Here are two that happened this weekend.

Parker was flipping through the maps at the back of the scriptures. I said, "Parker, what are you doing?" He replied, "Looking for Jesus."

During family scripture study Dave was reading in Alma about what happens to our spirits after we die. Parker had LOTS of questions about this. He asked, "So when we die we go home to Heavenly Father?" "Yes," we answered.

"Is it a long walk?" Parker said

Sooo cute. I love this kid.

Do It Again, Lord...

Heavenly Father,

As your children, we come to you. We don’t ask you for help; we beg you for it. We don’t request; we implore. We know what you can do. We’ve read the stories. We’ve pondered the scriptures, and now we plead, “Do it again, Lord. Do it again.”

Remember Joseph? You rescued him from the pit. You can do the same for us. Do it again, Lord.

 Remember the Hebrews in Egypt? You protected their children from the angel of death. We have Children too, Lord. Do it again.

And Sarah? Remember her prayers? You heard them. Joshua? Remember his fears? You inspired him. The women at the tomb? You resurrected their hope. The doubts of Thomas? You took them away. Do it again, Lord, Do it again.

You changed Daniel from a captive into a king’s counselor. You took Peter the fisherman and made him Peter an apostle. Because of you David went from leading sheep to leading armies. Do it again, Lord, for we need counselors today. We need apostles. We need leaders. Do it again, Dear Lord.

Most of all do again what you did at Calvary. We saw innocence ended,goodness suffering,mothers weeping, evil dancing. Just as the shadows fell on our children, the darkness fell on your son. Just as our world has been shattered, the very child of eternity was pierced.

And by dusk, heaven’s sweetest song was silent, buried behind a rock.

But you did not waver, O Lord. You did not waver. After your son lay three days in a dark hole you rolled the rock and rumbled the earth and turned the darkest Friday into the brightest Sunday. Do it again, Lord. Turn this Calvary into an Easter.

Let your mercy be upon all we suffer. Grant to those who lead us wisdom  beyond their years and experience. Have mercy upon the souls who have departed and the wonded who remain. Give us grace that we might forgive and faith that we might believe. And look kindly upon your church. For two thousand years you’ve used her to heal a hurting world.

Do it again, Lord. Do it again.

A Week of Debuts...

This was a week of debuts…of season openers and opening nights. On Tuesday Tanner made his

musical debut as Jack in Newsies. He has a great voice and a ton of stage presence. While being a theater star has never been his biggest dream it is, in his own words, “Just something else I can brag about.”

Thursday night brought the first game ever for the ELA Phoenix Basketball Team.  Tanner finally, after all these years of waiting and dreaming, got to put on a uniform and play for his school. He was nervous before the game but he did a fantastic job.

In this day and age where it seems that Satan is waiting around every corner to try and tear us down I believe that our children can use every single positive experience that they can get whether on a baseball field or a stage or a classroom or a BMX track. I pray that while my children are  having fun and exploring their interests they will also discover in themselves a uniqueness that is worth celebrating.

Reluctant Love

There are so many reasons to not fall in love. Love takes time, lots of time. The people you love can disappear from your life with little or no warning. Love brings with it responsibility and seriously, who needs more responsibility? I don’t. Or I didn’t.

Ever since Javion and Jamari entered our lives in May of 2009 I have tried to care for them and be there for them without actually having to love them. It wasn’t until this morning that I reluctantly admitted that, in spite of my best efforts to the contrary,  I LOVE these boys. I love them as much as I love my own children.

 I cherish those moments when I pull them out of the bathtub and wrap them in a cozy towel and get to give them a squeeze.

I love cleaning their faces after a meal because it gives me time to stare into their big eyes and wonder where they are going and what they will accomplish in their lives.

I love making them laugh.

I love wiping their tears.

And so I admit it. And I open myself to loss and to disappointment. And I pray that I can find enough strength for two more. And hopefully in the end I will not find myself whispering, as did Edward Tulane, “Look at me. I have learned how to love and it’s a terrible thing. I’m broken. My heart is broken.”

Or perhaps that is exactly the point. Achieving a broken heart and a contrite spirit through any means possible.

 

New Year's Resolutions

Better late than never I submit to you my list of New Year’s Resolutions. Had I written this on January 1 my list would have looked much like my list in 1991…exercise, lose weight, spend less money. It really never seems to change. And so this year instead of changing myself I have finally wizened up and I am changing my list! This year instead of achieving I want to create.

I want to create a moment in time that never changes, a moment where I can perpetually stare into the eyes of my whirling dervishes and study their features before they change. I want to learn the art of photography.

I want to wrap my family in the warmth of my love and never let them go. I want to learn to make a quilt.

I want to shatter my old notions of myself and those around me. I want to create a new, more promising view of my life and my world. I want to believe more fully in the doctrine of repentance.

That’s it. Nor more checklists and daily logs for me, only the hope and belief that something that does not exist now can exist in the future and that I can facilitate its birth.

No more self flagellation for what I don’t’ do, only praise for what I do.

Happy belated New Year.

Don't Call Me Ma'am!

Somewhere between my size 8 clothes and my aversion to low rise jeans it happened. I became a ma’am. As in,

 “Here’s your change, Ma’am”.

“Don’t forget your Benefiber, Ma’am!”

And “Excuse me, Ma’am? Your daughter just shoved that entire balloon up her nose? Is that safe?”

Of course it's not safe you moron! And don’t call me Ma’am!

Really, please don’t call me ma’am.

I simply don’t feel old enough for that.

Yes, I have gained weight. I blame that on the six kids that I had. (Shhh..don’t tell that I adopted. I blame them for anything and everything when I can get away with it!)

Yes, I have perpetual bags under my eyes from going 16 straight years without a good night’s sleep.

Yes I have trading my long, high maintenance hair and fashionable pumps for a wash-and-go style and comfortable shoes.

But really, ma’am? Me?

Ugh!

A change for the better...

As parents we are called upon to make thousands of choices for our children over the course of their lifetime.

What time do they go to bed? Who will their first friends be?  Will eating puppy chow cause permanent damage?

This year I made a choice regarding my kids’ education, a choice that I have second guessed almost every day since. I pulled my kids out of the neighborhood school and enrolled them in a charter school.

 I was pulling my darlings away from their friends and neighbors. I would be spending much more time driving.  I was resigning myself to only buying chinos and button down shirts for them for the next 12 years.

It is only in the last week that I have full confidence that I made the right decision. Yes, they have a lot of homework. Yes, even at a charter school,  some teachers are good, some are great, and some are lacking. Yes, I miss sending them out the door to the bus stop.

But in exchange my children are getting opportunities that never would have been presented to them in a public school.

 Tanner is thriving and his grades have skyrocketed. He was the lead in the school play, the lead in the school musical, and starting point guard for the school basketball team.

The younger kids take drama classes from Youth Theater at the U and dance classes from Virginia Tanner. They don goggles for science and work in a lab with beakers and slides.

I am grateful for the sense of confidence that I have finally achieved regarding this decision. I will continue to worry, but not about this.

Instead I will worry about Abbi’s refusal to sleep in a room with Kennedy because she honestly believes that Kennedy becomes an alien at night.

I will worry about Parker dipping little smokies into chocolate fondu and calling it his favorite dessert.

I will worry  about Cassidy driving on her own and dating.

Perhaps I will never stop worrying. But at least as I drive to school in the mornings I will be at peace.

Not Me...

I did not have my daughter's car detailed in the middle of winter and then leave it outside so that all the water in the seats could evaporate and form a thick layer of ice on the INSIDE of the windows. And then...

I did not stand outside said car with an ice scraper in my hand for an inordinate period of time wondering why I always get stuck with the paper cutters that don't cut straight, the treadmill with the broken fan, and the ice scraper that doesn't work. Finally my sister-in-law pointed out to me that the ice was inside the car to which I did not reply...

"I knew that..." Not me.

I definately did not scrape a piece of my hand off tonight while shredding carrots for our delicious apple and carrot salad and then forget to look for the missing flesh in the pile of carrots before I served it. That would be disgusting.

I did not throw myself a mini party when I finally dropped my kids off at school today after a three week vacation... Not me. Instead I cried like a baby and counted all the ways that I would miss them.

I did not go to CostCo one day before we got paid and then stand in front of the cashier while she processed my payment  rocking like Rain Man deprived of cheese puffs muttering in my head, “Please go through! Please go through! Please go through!”

I definately did not do these things. I am cool, calm and collected at all times. Yep, that's me!