Not Me...

I did not have my daughter's car detailed in the middle of winter and then leave it outside so that all the water in the seats could evaporate and form a thick layer of ice on the INSIDE of the windows. And then...

I did not stand outside said car with an ice scraper in my hand for an inordinate period of time wondering why I always get stuck with the paper cutters that don't cut straight, the treadmill with the broken fan, and the ice scraper that doesn't work. Finally my sister-in-law pointed out to me that the ice was inside the car to which I did not reply...

"I knew that..." Not me.

I definately did not scrape a piece of my hand off tonight while shredding carrots for our delicious apple and carrot salad and then forget to look for the missing flesh in the pile of carrots before I served it. That would be disgusting.

I did not throw myself a mini party when I finally dropped my kids off at school today after a three week vacation... Not me. Instead I cried like a baby and counted all the ways that I would miss them.

I did not go to CostCo one day before we got paid and then stand in front of the cashier while she processed my payment  rocking like Rain Man deprived of cheese puffs muttering in my head, “Please go through! Please go through! Please go through!”

I definately did not do these things. I am cool, calm and collected at all times. Yep, that's me!