There are so many reasons to not fall in love. Love takes time, lots of time. The people you love can disappear from your life with little or no warning. Love brings with it responsibility and seriously, who needs more responsibility? I don’t. Or I didn’t.
Ever since Javion and Jamari entered our lives in May of 2009 I have tried to care for them and be there for them without actually having to love them. It wasn’t until this morning that I reluctantly admitted that, in spite of my best efforts to the contrary, I LOVE these boys. I love them as much as I love my own children.
I cherish those moments when I pull them out of the bathtub and wrap them in a cozy towel and get to give them a squeeze.
I love cleaning their faces after a meal because it gives me time to stare into their big eyes and wonder where they are going and what they will accomplish in their lives.
I love making them laugh.
I love wiping their tears.
And so I admit it. And I open myself to loss and to disappointment. And I pray that I can find enough strength for two more. And hopefully in the end I will not find myself whispering, as did Edward Tulane, “Look at me. I have learned how to love and it’s a terrible thing. I’m broken. My heart is broken.”
Or perhaps that is exactly the point. Achieving a broken heart and a contrite spirit through any means possible.
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